Inspiraton strikes!

I had this great "aha!" moment the other day: peacock feathers. As in, I want peacock feather accents worked into the wedding. Why? Because I've always loved peacocks and I feel like this could add that perfect glam touch to our modest little event.

Starting with invitations...we were originally going with an extremely simple, black and white invite. Digital printing, no muss or fuss. We really aren't willing to shell out an ungodly sum of money on something that will end up in most people's trash cans. But, owing to my peacock pondering, we've now changed course with the invitations and are leaning toward something like this (click to enlarge):

These are both from one of my favorite stationary sites on the interwebs, http://www.hellolucky.com/. I've ordered cards from them before and their work is simply beautiful. We would do these on plain white cardstock with all printing in black, except for the eye of the feathers which would be a brilliant green. They're still digital, though, so it will save us a lot of cash. Which is always faboo.


And I knew from the moment I got engaged that I wanted a vintage-ish dress with a birdcage veil. There's just something about a beautiful, netted birdcage veil that sets my pulse racing. I have no idea what I'll do about the dress, but the veil is officially covered. This site, http://www.unveiledbridaldesigns.com/, makes gorgeous, one-of-a-kind veils. This is the french netted angle birdcage veil I like:

And this is a good approximation of the comb detail I'd like at the side of the veil, which she also hand-makes to specification:



Luke and I discussed the possibility of using a small peacock feather for the boutonnieres (just try spelling that word without looking it up!), but he's not entirely sold on it. To be honest, I'm not sure I am, either. We initially decided against boutonnieres because, well, what guy is really jazzed about wearing flowers on his chest? But I thought it just might give a nice dash of color and super-cool class to his suit. He agreed to try it and see how it looks.

We'll also do some peacock feathers in the vases on the reception tables along with the winter branches and plain white candles. We may also experiment with adding a peacock feather or two to the bridesmaids' bouqets or even my own. Who knows? I'm open to ideas.

For the first time I can really, truly picture our wedding in my head. Before I only had vague ideas of what we wanted and didn't want; now, it's actually coming together in one cohesive vision. So that's kind of dope. Now we just have to really, really concentrate on finding a venue. For sheezy.

And the preliminary guest count is...

...110.

Whew! That's a lot of people. What's interesting is that approximately 85 of them are Luke's family members alone. And not those family members that he hasn't seen since he was a child: we're talking close family here. What can I say? The more the merrier! And we're so lucky because his entire family is pretty awesome and incredibly fun. I'm quite sure our wedding will not be boring.

The other thing about that count is that it includes no children other than the 2 in our wedding party (my best friend's oldest daughter will be a flower girl, along with the daughter of one of his groomsmen, who is also his cousin). And personally, I'd like to keep the event this way. We've debated back and forth about the child issue. While we both would prefer to keep things adult-only, we also know that it could potentially be a land mine. We've also considered paying someone to watch any tag-along kids in a separate room during the ceremony and reception, but there are problems with this route: what if there isn't adequate space to do this at the place we pick? What if it doesn't work and the kids keep invading anyway? What if everyone finds out we're providing childcare and instead of only bringing 1 or 2 of their kids they bring all of them because, hey, free babysitting? And, of course, if we politely put the word out that we don't want kids there, there are going to be hurt feelings that we'll have to deal with.

You know what? I'm not sure we care if it hurts other people's feelings. I have to admit that it's going to tick us off pretty royally if someone feels entitled to bring whomever they please to a party that we're paying for and hosting. Besides, kids hate weddings. They think they're boring! And what happens when kids get bored? Nothing good for the rest of us, I can tell you that...

The other, more pragmatic concern, is cost. We simply cannot afford for everyone to bring their children. Even if we wanted to feed and entertain all these kids, financially it just can't happen. The financial bottom-line always has to be a consideration. Just for giggles, we redid the count including children. It came out to about 200.

So while I'm sure we'll go back-and-forth on the issue, I think it's pretty safe to say that our wedding will be child-free, or at least "child-lean." I certainly hope that our families and friends understand and support our wishes; if they don't, Luke and I will figure out a way to gracefully respond. And at the end of the day anyone who chooses not to come to our wedding because of it may not have the best intentions toward our marriage to begin with.

The search begins!

We went on our first venue tour on Sunday afternoon. It was a day full of FAIL™.

We were initially very, very excited about this place. It's in a location not far from where we live, the reception area is beautiful and elegant without being "frou-frou", and best of all they let you bring in your own booze! Let me tell you that it is soooo hard to find venues that let you do this anymore, but it can save you piles of cash. I RSVP'd for the open house with the highest of hopes and told Luke that I really wanted this to be our spot. Looking back, I was jumping the gun. Leaping and soaring over the gun.

For starters, when we got to the venue I was a little surprised at how close it is to the road. Although the area is actually very quaint and intimate, it was literally right by the road. Okay, no biggie; I'm flexible (to a point). The building itself was built in 1909 as a bank, and it has a tremendous amount of character. We walked in and I was very happy right away. Gorgeous wood floors, beautifully-restored brick interior, and very tastefully done with small crystal chandeliers and twinkly white lights. They even still use the original bank vault as a place to store your gifts during the evening! But then...

...we walked into the reception area. While it was indeed lovely, it was astonishingly small. So small, in fact, that with only 75-80 people milling about it was very crowded. Now, this may be okay for someone who's having a wedding of about 50 people. What pisses me off about this is that we were specifically told by both the consultant and in all the published materials that the venue can accomodate up to 150 people. My first question was: where? In the damn bathroom and the parking lot?! You might, might be able to cram 150 people into the room (as long as none of them are overweight!) but they would have to stand. When you consider that each of their tables sits a max of 10 people comfortably, and accounting for the food tables and DJ space, I figured we could never get more than 60 people. And even that would not include a dance floor! In the pictures below you'll see a lovely cake set-up, but what you don't see is that these people expected me to set up a dance floor immediately in front of it. Because that's definitely what we need: a bunch of drunk people attempting to dance around a cake that costs several hundred dollars.

The next disaster was the food. They don't allow outside catering, and they provide what is basically 3 different packages for food. One was barbeque. For anyone who hasn't already gotten a sense of my personal style, be it from this blog or elsewhere, allow me to fill you in: I am not the kind of person who serves barbeque at her wedding. I am about as likely to serve Bud Light in cans and encourage the groomsmen to wear John Deere hats as I am to serve freaking barbeque. The other options included some kind of horrid, fattening pasta and some soggy sandwiches. The food all sucked! And the desserts were equally unappealing. In general, I wouldn't serve that food to my mother's dog. And I don't even like my mom's dog!

What I found to be the cherry on top of my disappointment sundae, however, was the attitude with which the head consultant spoke to me. The sum total costs for this hovel, including the ceremony, would have come to around $14,000. For that obscene amount of money I would get a grand total of 4, count 'em, 4 hours for my ceremony and reception. I stated very plainly that 4 hours was completely inadequate (nevermind that I wouldn't pay $3,500 an hour for this joint even if I had it for 12 hours). This man had the nerve to say, "Well, by the time of the wedding and reception you will have been with the same people all day long. 4 hours should be more than enough." I was flabbergasted. First, don't tell me what we want for our own party, little man! Secondly, what a lame line. You're asking for $14,000 and you can't even take the time to practice your salesmanship? Come back to me when you've prepared a script, buddy. So the day was a bust. But at least I learned what to do differently next time.

• Never, ever walk into an open house or vendor meeting bursting with joy. You're really just asking for a fat let-down if you get your hopes up too much. It also makes you prone to glassy-eyed, mindless agreement to pretty much anything the consultants offer (or charge).
• Don't discuss finances until you've seen and sampled everything. Look at every inch of the venue, including the parking lot, bathrooms, and areas surrounding the venue. If you have to use their caterer, try the food. It gives you greater bargaining leverage if you already know what will have to be altered or substituted in order to satisfy your needs. We saw at least 4 or 5 brides at this open house who had already signed contracts and reserved dates and had never tried any of the food!
• Take lots of pictures and, if you're really feeling the place, measurements of key areas like the dance floor and seating areas. These open houses are rarely set up like they would for a real wedding. For example, the above venue only had 2 round tables set up in the reception area. It might have been easy for some people to walk around and think to themselves that the place was bigger than it really was; however, measurements can bring you down to earth when you realize that you could only get all your guests in by leaving a half inch distance between each table.
• Don't take the consultant's word on how many people you can seat in the venue, how many people can fit on the dance floor, or how much space you need to set up for food. Never forget that their job is to sell, sell, sell! They will talk you into a venue that's inappropriate for your needs if you allow them to. While their input is certainly important, trust your instincts. If she tells you 250 people can be comfortably seated for dinner and you don't see how that can work, listen to your gut. Talk to your caterer, or your DJ, or any other vendors you've already hired and ask them to come out and see if it will work. But bottom line is that consultants for all kinds of vendors will try and make you feel like you don't know what you're doing and that you need to trust everything they say, and it seems to work on a lot of brides. That's why all the consultants who work at Sunday's fail-fest drive $50,000 cars.
• Be patient and accept that you'll probably have to visit several venues before you find a decent contender. Hang in there! You absolutely can get what you want.

The day wasn't a complete loss, however. I learned the above lessons, and I also have a very clear idea now of what we want and don't want. I adored the atmosphere and decor of this place, and we both decided we want to shoot for that kind of ambiance at our own wedding. As of today I've got 3 other places on my list to visit. Let's hope those venues turn out to be a little more satisfying.

Don't go to a bridal show until you read this!

We went to The Bridal Extravaganza Show at the George R. Brown convention center in Houston last weekend. Luke and I thought it would be nice to bring along both of our mothers, who have never met each other, in order to include them in the planning. My mom is basically acting as my wedding planner, helping with every tiny detail because I pretty much have NO idea what I'm doing, but we really want Luke's mom to be involved as well. So with the best of intentions we figured the bridal show would be a great way to kick off our wedding planning.

I knew that the show at the George R. Brown is the biggest in Texas and one of the biggest in the nation; what I didn't know was exactly how insane this thing would be. There were hundreds of vendors there and the convention center was at full-capacity with crazed, wild-eyed brides. You couldn't even walk foward, but rather had to turn sideways and progress through the crowds crab-style. I was literally shoved out of the way by a very large woman trying to get to at some free cake samples! At another point a would-be bride and her rude-as-sin mother told me to "hurry the hell up." For realz: apparently weddings cause people to completely lose their minds and behave like three year-olds with ADHD. Because this was my first event (and probably my last, to be quite honest) I wasn't adequately prepared. Allow me to put my hard-won knowledge to good use and provide you readers with some tips before you head off to your nearest show.

• Wear comfortable clothes and shoes, and leave the big purse at home. I know this seems like a given. However, I did in fact see several women in heels. I also confess that I'm guilty of the big purse because I take one everywhere, and I never stopped to think about how much crap I would be lugging around by the end of the day. When you add in a ginormous bag, your arm will certainly be hurting.
  
• Comfort is important, but make sure you wear makeup and at least look presentable. Why? Because sometimes photographers set up free photo opportunities. Luke and I were able to take Save the Date photographs and we sat in two different photo booths and took the pictures home with us. This is pretty much a smorgasbord of free stuff, guys. If free photos are being offered, you'll definitely regret wearing sweats.
  
• Once you've decided you're attending, set up a special email account for wedding related stuff. This is just a good idea in general when you're trying to get organized. It's especially important when you're going to bridal shows, open houses, and other junkets. Believe me when I say that you WILL get a lot of vendor info and spam, even if you're selective about who you give your info to.
• Print up a batch of peel-and-stick address labels and take them with you. Each label needs to include the following information: your name, your address, your phone number, your email, and your wedding date. Including your fiance's name is up to you. These labels are important because every vendor will have cards to fill out for free giveaways and so they can send you more information about their services. They were selling labels printed with this stuff, but it was expensive and really prolonged everyone's wait in line. My recommendation is to pre-print them if you can and bring them with you. Trust me, you will get really tired of writing the same stuff by hand after just a few booths.
• Bring the following other items with you: cash, a pen, a camera, and maybe some snacks. You'll need the cash for any food or drinks you want to buy on site, or you could just pack some snacks like granola bars or some raw veggies. Remember though: these things usually take a long damn time, and for many people snacks simply won't cut it. The camera is obviously to take photos of things you like or that inspire you. You'll need the pen to make notes on vendor information. For example, we tried some cake samples that were just awesome! I made sure to pick up an information pamphlet from the baker so I could follow-up on prices. Well, imagine my dismay when we got home and I began to sort through hundreds of pieces of paper from vendors. I must have had 20 pamphlets from bakers alone, and for the life of me I couldn't remember which one had the great Amaretto-raspberry cake with cream cheese frosting. So put your pen to use and write directly on the vendor's paperwork any impressions or samples you tried.
• Limit the size of your group. Bringing an entire entourage of 10 people isn't going to do you any good. You're likely to get separated, you won't usually be able to sit together at the runway shows, and it will take you twice as long to get through the entire venue. You're also likely to end up explaining that you do not, in fact, like the knee-length tuxedo coats five or six different times.
• If you have anxiety or problems with crowds, think twice. I sometimes get a little freaked out in huge crowds, but it's usually nothing I can't handle. This experience, however, had me wishing for a candy bowl full of Valium. So if you need to take something beforehand to keep you on an even keel, I highly recommend it. Better yet, if you know you can't handle it, just skip it altogher. Send a trusted friend, bridesmaid, or family member in your place instead.

I didn't win a fee honeymoon in the free prize drawing or anything, but I did get a lot of really cool ideas and inspiration, as did Luke. Check out some of what we liked (click on the pictures to enlarge).

Aren't these centerpieces from the Houston Museum of Natural Science really cool? I love anything with peacock feathers.

Luke absolutely loved this groom's cake, even though fondant pretty much tastes like Play Dough.



I was absolutely floored by this dress: it's one of the loveliest things I've ever seen, and the photos really don't do it justice. It's a beautiful vintage-style gown, but unfortunately it costs about a thousand times more than I could ever afford.

Let's get the ball rolling

Now that the engagement is official it seems that everyone has a million-and-one ideas for how we should do our wedding. Some of them are great (do a signature cocktail, omit traditions you don't like) and some of them are, well, less than great (you HAVE to register for crystal!). For the last 2 weeks we have listened to the opinions of family and friends, read websites and magazine articles, and had brainstorm sessions about how to have the wedding of our dreams. We've both decided that our priorities are:

• Having fun! We have both been to weddings that were stiff and boring; we want our wedding to be a party that everyone will talk about for years to come. This means our reception should be relaxed and informal: no long-winded speeches, lots of free-flowing booze and a big dance floor with plenty of get-up-and-dance music.
  
• A ceremony that incorporates both of our beliefs and viewpoints. Luke was raised Catholic and I was raised Baptist. I am no longer religious, but Luke has very strong spiritual beliefs that he would like reflected in our ceremony. We have both decided on a non-denominational officiant that can incorporate a wide variety of spiritual and religious viewpoints. We also want to write our own vows in combination with repeating a modified version of the traditional vows (because you can bet your bottom I will NOT vow to obey).
• Including everyone we truly want to include. I've heard some people say that your budget determines your guest list. I would prefer to do it the other way around. While we would like to keep the costs reasonable, we are not willing to do so by eliminating people who matter to us from the guest list. If that means we have to make our dollar stretch a little further, so be it. In 10 years we're going to remember sharing the day with all the wonderful people in our lives, not the extra $25 we saved by excluding someone from the guest list.

Now that we have our priorities in line, we are free to start filling in some of the blanks. I love all things 1940's and vintage glam, and Luke has always loved the style of men like Frank Sinatra: a well-tailored suit, a slim tie, and a sleek Fedora. We've decided to aim for an old Hollywood theme of understated elegance in early December 2010. We'll decorate with sparse winter-y touches: dried branches decorated with a touch of crystal bling, lots of white candles and twinkling lights, and simple calla lillies. The guys will wear tailored black suits with pewter-colored slim ties during the ceremony, adding black Fedoras with pewter-colored bands and possibly changing into black Converse for the reception. The girls will wear simple black dresses of their choosing (we both HATE the matchy-matchy look), and Luke suggested adding to the dresses a simple pewter-colored sash pinned with a vintage-looking brooch. I really want my bridesmaids (there will be 3) to look and feel both beautiful and like themselves--I don't want a group of cookie-cutters standing up there with me. Here are a few pictures that capture some of our inspirations and ideas:

The general feeling we want for our reception

A gorgeous hair clip that fits my vintage style


A simple but elegant bouquet

It was with these ideas in mind that we prepared to head to the biggest bridal show in Texas: the Bridal Extravaganza Show in Houston. The truth is, though, that I didn't really prepare because I had no idea what we were getting into! More to come on that subject.

Here we go!

A proposal on New Year's Eve...what a way to start a new year.

It finally happened! Though Luke only bought the ring a little over a month beforehand, it seemed like an eternity before he dropped to one knee and proposed. The story of our engagement doesn't really begin at exactly 1 minute after we finished watching the ball drop and making fun of Carson Daly; rather, it began a few months ago when we first really started talking about marriage. Then, the weekend before Thanksgiving, we went ring shopping. The key word is shop; we weren't looking to buy. But when we walked into Jared's, our third store that day, Luke and I found the perfect ring. I cried when I put it on and the salespeople were so distressed they all took turns hugging me. When I started referring to it as "the Precious" and Luke started calling me Gollum, however, the time for hugs seemed to come to an end. But intentions and cautious salespersons aside, we walked out of the store that day with a shiny new acquisition tucked securely in Luke's pocket.

And thus began the waiting...

After deliberately exploiting my impatience and Gollum-like tendencies, Luke proposed on New Year's Eve. He said that 2008 was over; that 2008 was the last year I would be his girlfriend; that he wanted me to be his wife so that we could be a family and build our lives together. And in my zeal I completely forgot protocol and merely shouted, "Put it on my hand!" He soon enough reminded me, however, that a proper reply is required. Such manners, that fiance of mine. :-)

Fiance...it seems like such a pretentious word for someone like myself, whose French is limited to what I can pronounce on the menu at La Madeleine. And yet it's a word I'm starting to like a lot.

Out to post-engagement celebration dinner with my father. Note my silly attempt to display that he did indeed put a ring on it.

And now for ring porn!

It's my admission that I know nothing about planning a wedding. But I know what I like, and so does Luke. I know that my mother will employ her super-mom-fix-it powers to help us make it amazing. And I know that no matter what our wedding will be a celebration of the best things in life: love, laughter, family, friends, and new beginnings. And that makes for one heck of a good time.